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The most recent episode of the Netflix show ‘Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj’, ‘The Real Cost of Cruises‘ showcases everything that is wrong with the cruise industry. The show ropes viewers in by highlighting the growing popularity of cruises and then shocks them into submission with well-researched facts about the darkest secrets about the cruise industry. Personally, I don’t care for a cruise and the episode does nothing but reinforce my disdain for cruise vacations. Obviously, my ‘disdain’ is based on non-woke, not well-researched, personal preferences. So here are some of my non-woke reasons to never step foot on a cruise ship;
Cruise Vacations – I don’t give a damn; a ‘non-woke’ version
- My idea of an ideal vacation is ‘fewer people, more nature’: A cruise is an antithesis to that idea. If I wanted to be stuck in a crowd of unknown people, with tacky decor and mediocre food, I would throw me another wedding reception party (brown wedding problems).
- I don’t like lining up: That includes rides, attractions, getting on/off an island.
- All-inclusive? Count me out: I don’t want your mass produced, one-size-fits-“all-inclusive” experiences. Same reason why I don’t like every chain hotel experience that looks and feels the same.
- It’s not you, its me: I get sea-sick easily. Vomiting my way across islands is not a vacation, I rather pop gravol and go on a 2 hour whale watching excursion (I actually do).
Hasan Minhaj just ruined Cruise trips – Do you give a damn?
Although the facts on the show are hard to deny, am sure many viewers who are fans of cruise vacations would do their best to justify their preference. Let’s be honest, nobody likes to be made aware that their choices are bad. This one just happens to align with my personal preference. It is also not lost on me that the show was about the cruise companies and not the consumers, but it also begs the good ol’ question – Now that you know, would you change your mind?
As for me, I couldn’t give a damn for cruise vacations and now I have a false sense of #winning to lean on. Thanks Hasan!
Title Image Source: Disney
Anshul, I totally share your opinion about cruises, but like you I am “non-woke”, with no desire to ever be roused from my slumber. My Mom and sister are big fans though, and so to each his own. However, I will take exception to your decision to lump “all inclusives” into the dog house with cruises. Cruises are structured tours spent with crowds of strangers. The itinerary is set and so you dutifully follow along like a child gripping the teacher’s rope on the kindergarten field trip. Feeling a bit too tired to do St. Lucia today? Too bad, the ship leaves port at 4:00. It’s like the old European bus tours of 18 countries in 10 days. All-inclusives aren’t like this at all. You pick a destination of interest and then you choose the itinerary yourself every day. If it’s raining and not the best day to visit the Mayan ruins, no worries. You can do that tomorrow if you like. Want to sleep in? Do that. You don’t have to bother with resort-offered excursions at hostage prices, either, as the commenter above mentioned. Rent a car or motorbike, or hire a taxi driver yourself and do what you want. You aren’t packed into a 10 story floating rooming house, either. There’s lots of room to move, and birds and wildlife to watch from your balcony. No one blows loud horns insisting that you get back on the boat. I’ve actually had truly incredible food at all inclusives, and tedious bland food too (always in Cuba, but who goes there for food?? I love it for the amazing beaches the lovely people, and to diet successfully without even trying. 🙂 And if you ever just need a week of true R & R, with no stress, no worries, no planning, and no structure, there is nothing better than the right all-inclusive. I have suggestions if you want to get “woke” to the all-inclusive experience. 🙂
Thanks for sharing Brenda! The comment on all inclusive was a reflection of my own perception of how ‘all inclusive’ generally tend to be. But I agree that having never done one, I can’t speak for them all. My perceptions are built on mostly mediocre reviews from friends and fam. Had a few other friends comment on how my post did not do justice to the small operators and clumped them up in a nefarious group 🙂
Happy to learn that the all-inclusives are a lot more flex than I thought and am sure there are some true gems in that category too. It really comes down to ‘travel style’ and cruises just don’t feature in mine, yet. Am sure I would like to test drive one some day – Will surely bug you for some tips and tricks 🙂
You’ve never been on a cruise. How do you know the food is mediocre. You are also throwing all cruise lines in the same basket. That’s like comparing Cathay Pacific suites to Spirit Airlines. I’ve sailed on cruises since the 1980s. My cruiseline of choice does not have the megaships that hold 4000 or more passengers. I don’t stand in line for anything except sometimes when I initially board the ship. As for the food, it’s not mediocre at all. It’s delicious. I don’t buy the ship excursions-I use the ports we go to to individually tailor what I want to do. I don’t stand in line to get on and off the ship or to go to the shows. I can do as little or as much as I want. As a solo traveler, I can go on a cruise and see more places with my food and entertainment built in at a much lower price point than booking myself into a hotel. And I’ve gone whale watching off my cruise. It’s a little unfair for you to bash something you have never tried!
Thanks for sharing stephanie! I did say my rant was a non-woke, non researched personal preference. My intention was to provoke some responses for those that do it regularly. All your points are well taken, glad to note that there are other less commercial options available as well 🙂